Silver Lining
by gryffindorwriter
Summary: Set in the weeks following the deadly infection that could have done even more damage, Jay is giving Hailey the silent treatment – for a reason she's not aware of. But he's blaming himself, and slowly starting to realise that a world without Hailey Upton isn't one he wants to live in.
1. Chapter 1 - Impossible

**A/N**: Hello, hello – long time, no writing. With the new crossover that aired yesterday, I couldn't help but be inspired to write a little fic regarding Upstead and what happens after. If you haven't seen the new crossover, probably best not to read until you do as this is full of spoilers. This fic won't be _too _long – probably around three chapters. But I hope you'll like it regardless! Enjoy!

* * *

"Have you noticed anything weird going on with Jay lately?" Hailey asked, swirling the drink in her glass around.

Molly's was bustling and after a long shift, this was exactly what the two of them needed – time to just spend as friends, talking about anything _but _work. Though it seemed the one thing that had really been weighing on Hailey's mind lately was work related in a way anyway.

Kim furrowed her eyebrows and gave Hailey a strange look, utterly confused. "Weird? No. Why? Has he been acting weird around you or something? I haven't noticed."

"Weird barely covers it," Hailey sighed. "He's been fine when we're working a case, but the second we're in the car alone and I start talking or I suggest going for drinks after work he just… shuts me down. He's usually up for that sort of thing. It's unnerving. I thought something might be going on so I even asked Will when I was questioning that witness at Med on Monday, but he was just as confused as you are. I have no idea what's going on with him."

Things had been a little touch and go for the first few days after the infection case that had basically shut down the city. She'd just thought it was the fact that he'd very nearly had to infect himself, but then a week had passed and he was still being strange. It made no sense. Sure, that was probably something to do with it – she'd even had a nightmare herself the day after it all happened where she _had _been infected – but still, she'd expected him to talk about it, whatever it was.

Kim took a swig of her drink. "He's been normal around me. Maybe he's just not in the mood for drinks lately. I haven't seen him here at all in the past few days, and usually he comes here at least twice a week."

"I'd agree with you if Will hadn't told me that he and Jay had gone out for drinks after the case was solved last week."

Kim cringed.

Sighing, Hailey ran a hand through her hair and downed the rest of her drink. It was probably for the best that she just call it a night and head home. If she stayed and ended up drinking more, she'd just end up overthinking everything, and that wouldn't end well for her. Whether she'd done something wrong to offend him or whether something really _was _going on with him, there was no way she was getting an answer just by overthinking it at Molly's.

Shrugging on her coat – since Chicago had been getting cold at night lately, now that summer was coming to an end – Hailey said goodbye to Kim and waved goodbye to Herrmann and Kidd at the bar before heading for the door, thinking only of how good her bed would feel once she got to collapse into it. Rojas, her new _roommate, _for lack of a better word, was probably still out with Atwater like she seemed to be most nights, so she didn't need to worry about disturbing her at all.

Her hand was on the door, pushing it open, when someone pulled it open from the outside and she stalled, stopping dead as she stared at the person on the other side of the door.

"_Jay_."

He looked a little like a deer in headlights as he cleared his throat. "Hailey."

She did her best to give him a smile, even though seeing him had clearly taken her off guard. The fact that they'd just been talking about the potential of him not being up for drinks lately wasn't something that escaped her notice, and her shutting it down was now confirmed even more.

"I'm surprised to see you here so late."

Jay chuckled a little and toed the steps, the door still open. They'd moved so that he was standing on the highest step and her on the one below him. She was shorter than him – she was always shorter than him. "Yeah, last minute decision."

This was… awkward. Uncomfortable _and _awkward. And Hailey didn't like it.

"I better not keep you, then," she gave him a tight-lipped smile. "See you tomorrow."

Before Jay could so much as say anything else to her, Hailey had turned and walked away. Jay watched with furrowed eyebrows as she crossed the road and headed over to her car, wishing that he'd been able to say something a little _more _conversational and less awkward. As soon as she was sat in the car, she couldn't help but glance over at Molly's, feeling hopeful. But Jay was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

After Upton's confirmation that Rojas was going to fit just fine into Intelligence, Voight had seemed happy to pair Upton and Halstead back together. Though, as Hailey sat in the car with a very silent Jay as they drove from the scene back to the station, Hailey couldn't help but think that the conversation with Rojas would _definitely _have been much more interesting.

She glanced over him, watching as he drove, staring straight ahead at the road with a neutral look on his face. He'd barely said two words to her at the scene, though the scene _had _mostly been shooting and then questioning witnesses. But still… a silent drive home was one she wasn't a fan of, yet after the last week, it was one she was starting to get used to.

She didn't want to get used to it.

With a sigh, Hailey knotted her hands together in front of her. "Are you going to tell me why you're giving me the silent treatment lately, Jay? Or are you just going to keep me in the dark for as long as possible?"

Jay tensed up at the sound of her voice, but stayed silent.

"Seriously, Jay– can we just _talk_? We're partners. We talk. That's what we do, that's what we agreed. And I'd appreciate if we actually did just that. After everything that happened last week, I think that you owe me at least an explanation as to why you're being so cold."

Reluctantly, he cleared his throat. "It's just been a long week, y'know? I'm trying to pace myself. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that a whole apocalypse nearly happened a week ago."

His words weren't entirely lies. But, for the most part, what Jay was really worried about was the fact that Hailey had been threatened with death because of him. That he'd sent her to that apartment on her own, that she'd ended up covered in the victim's blood and put into _quarantine _because of his orders. That wasn't something he could forget overnight.

But even though he was half telling the truth, Hailey didn't believe a word of it.

"Yeah, you don't just give your partner the cold shoulder because you're coming to terms with that. Didn't we agree _months _ago that we'd talk even when the other one didn't want to? Didn't we agree that, for the sake of our _job, _we'd do that?" Hailey shook her head. "You're impossible, Jay."

It was like she'd reached right into his chest, grabbed his heart and started squeezing, and Jay couldn't find the words to reply to her, because she was _right. _They had decided that, but he was too far buried in his own blame to agree with her.

They drove the rest of the way back to the station in an uncomfortable silence.


	2. Chapter 2 - The Blame Game

**A/N**: Sorry for the wait for the second chapter, guys! Thank you for the response to the first one. I'm glad you're liking this fic!

* * *

Hailey stifled a yawn as she and Jay sat in their car, watching and waiting for Atwater's confrontation with the suspect to either go well or end badly. It was a week since she and Jay had shared a car – on the drive back to the station when Hailey had confronted him about his silence. She'd talked to Voight about Jay's attitude and her belief that they should take a break and had mostly been paired up with Atwater since then, but today, Voight wasn't having it.

He needed Atwater for the job, and he was sick of the tension.

He'd pulled the both of them into his office and told them that whatever was going on, they needed to fix it. Private issues weren't ones to bring on the job, and to Jay, Voight's words were like a punch in the gut. He _was _bringing his private issues to the job, even though technically they walked hand in hand. Hailey was part of his job, and he couldn't help but think of what could have happened every time he looked at her.

They'd been paired up ever since.

Jay looked over at her, amused at her stifled yawn and, in his best attempt to be normal, to be like the normal partner that he always was with her, chuckled. "Late night?"

She threw him a look. "You could say that. I was up late talking with Rojas."

He raised an eyebrow. "How's that going, by the way? You and Rojas being roomies. I can't come around randomly for drinks anymore for fear of intruding on _her _life now."

"_Please,_" Hailey rolled her eyes. "You haven't come around in ages anyway – _before _you started giving me the silent treatment last week. You missed your chance while you had it."

Jay chuckled softly and tore his eyes away from her to look out the window at the sunny Chicago street ahead of them. He'd missed _plenty _of chances with Hailey, and that was only one of them. He hoped that one day Rojas would be able to get her own place and the two could resume their prior talks and drinks. But, he supposed, he'd have to come clean about everything with Hailey for that to even happen again, and since he was pretty much only in the car with her now on Voight's orders, he wasn't sure if or when they would happen.

With a sigh, he turned to Hailey again. "I think I owe you an explanation."

"You _think_?"

"I _know_ I do."

Hailey didn't expect him to _actually _say anything that meant anything.

"With everything that happened two weeks ago, with the infection… I meant what I said when I said that I was still coming to terms with it all," he spoke. "But it was more than that… the fact that you and I could have nearly died that day, the fact that we _didn't _and we're still here, breathing… the fact that we both came so close… it's hard to grasp."

She furrowed her eyebrows. "What does that have to do with the silent treatment?"

"You've nearly died before, Hailey. We both have had near misses. This one just… hit harder."

He was clearly skirting around the topic, but Hailey managed to pick up the gist of it pretty easily – or at least she thought she did. He was worried about the people he cared about dying. He was worried about _himself _dying. And she could understand that. After the kidnapping that had happened only a few months ago, Hailey had finally learnt to worry about herself a little more than she had before. She understood that.

"That day, when you were up in that office," she started, glancing over at him. "If I had been off with my shot, if I'd been too slow, if they hadn't perfected that cure, if you'd sprayed yourself with that infection… that would have been on my conscience for the rest of my life. But it isn't because nothing bad happened. Because it's not your time yet. It's not your time, Jay."

* * *

"Hailey!"

Hailey turned around to see Kim heading down the stairs towards her. The day was over and she was looking forward to getting back to the comfort of her house, making some dinner and kicking her feet up for the evening, though as soon as she saw Kim, she wasn't mad for the interruption. The two had formed a rather strong friendship since the start of the year.

"I've been meaning to ask all day – how's Jay going? You said he was weird last week, you swapped partners for the past few days… wasn't _too _awkward in that car today, was it?"

Hailey chuckled and shook her head. "No, not _too _awkward. I think we've come to some sort of understanding. And there's obviously more he has to get off his chest but… _normal, _he's getting there. That infection case, it shook us all up. Everyone has different ways of dealing with things." She shrugged a shoulder.

Kim smirked and shook her head. "Yeah, and giving your partner the silent treatment is one of them, is it?"

Hailey gave her a look. "He's working on it… I think."

With a smile, Kim nodded. "If you insist," she hummed. "I'll let you get home, then. Have a good rest of your night, see you tomorrow."

* * *

Jay took a swig of his beer and fixed Will, who sat across from him, with a glare.

They'd been in Molly's for about twenty minutes, and Molly's was _packed. _Herrmann and Kidd were behind the bar and they both looked absolutely run off of their feet. It hadn't been this busy in a long time since Jay had been coming to Molly's – which was a long while.

It had been only two weeks since he and Will had caught up for drinks, though they'd both made a promise that night that they would meet up for drinks more often. They were brothers, after all, and only seeing each other when Jay dropped by the hospital, often to question a victim or a suspect, just wasn't cutting it.

Though, he _was _starting to regret it considering Will's last words.

"Jay, just be _honest _with her. Tell her the truth – that you care about her more than you probably care about anyone else and you definitely don't want her to die any time soon."

He'd struggled not to choke on his drink.

"That– that is _not _what it is, Will."

Will raised an eyebrow. "You _do _want her to die?"

He fought the urge to throw his beer all over his brother.

"_Yes, _I care about her. But she's my partner, I care about her like I care about anyone I work with. It's different to how it was with Erin and you _know _that, Will. And it's not like you can talk, anyway – how's your love life going?"

Now, it was Will's turn to be defensive. He shook his head.

"We're not doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Bringing _me _into your problems," he sighed. "Listen, you said it yourself, Jay – you care about her. You gave her the silent treatment because you blame yourself about her nearly getting infected. But she _didn't _get infected, and she didn't die. You're punishing her because you're punishing yourself. So just… admit it, why don't you? You said Voight didn't sound too happy when he learnt that you were being weird around her. So don't make it weird around her. Come clean and tell her why. I think she deserves that, don't you?"

* * *

There was a text waiting on Hailey's phone when she woke up, one from Jay inviting her to coffee before they headed into the station. He said he had something to talk about, and Hailey hadn't bothered with weighing the pros and the cons of the situation. If he wanted to talk to her, she was going to let him talk and she was going to listen. He deserved that.

She met him at a coffee shop not too far away from the station an hour before shift.

He was half way through his cup of coffee when he finally spoke.

"I said yesterday that I owe you an explanation, but I never _really _gave you one," he admitted, a little sheepishly. "And I meant it when I said that I owe you one. Voight's _probably _gonna fire me if I stir up any more drama in the unit, so the way I've been acting towards you… it's because of _this._"

Hailey took a sip of her coffee as she listened to him, prompting him to continue with a nod. She was intrigued. She'd expected this when she'd said yes to coffee, but getting an actual explanation from a Jay that strangely seemed less guarded than usual, more like he was when he had a few drinks in him and they were just _talking _without a care in the world, hadn't been what she was expecting at all.

"I sent you to that house on your own, without back-up, without protection. We knew there was a virus, we knew she'd had contact with the person we believed to be producing it. But I sent you in there anyway."

There was something different in his voice as he spoke – an emotion she'd never really heard in him before, but she couldn't quite identify it.

"Jay, that wasn't your fault."

"_But it was,_" he continued, meeting her eyes. "If you'd caught that infection, if you'd _died _that would have been on me. And all this time I've just been blaming myself and torturing myself with _what if's. _I thought you probably would have hated me for it."

"_Jay…_"

"No," he shook his head. "I thought that. I thought you would blame me. But then a week passed and you were normal around me while I was being weird and cautious around you, and you didn't seem to be holding any kind of grudge and it was unnerving and _weird _and I didn't know what to do with that."

Hailey sighed deeply and sat up straighter in her seat. Her coffee was practically forgotten in front of her. "_Jay, _listen to me. I never blamed you for a second. You did what you thought was right, sending me in there, and I had no reservations or worries about being sent in there at all. I was fine with it. And it was scary, being put into quarantine. It was. But you know what? Everything ended up fine in the end for me. Everything ended up fine for the both of us."

She reached across the table and rested her hand on top of his.

"You're not at fault for a second of what happened that day."

Jay squeezed his eyes shut and let out a shuddering breath. "You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that and know you mean it… you have no idea."

Her lips quirked up into a smile. "I've got your back, Jay. Always."

"And I've got yours."


End file.
